Have you ever found yourself acting in a way you hardly recognize as yourself? We have all had our buttons pushed and do not like losing our cool. And if we knew a different way to handle it, I am sure we all would have chosen that way.
Emotional intelligence training quickly boosts your confidence and effectiveness as a leader.
The brain is hard wired for survival, not for relationships or optimal results. Survival is a limited viewpoint. It means you get out of the situation even if you risk something that is also important. One of my clients recently went through this scenario. (Names and identifying information has been changed.)
Jim loved his job as VP of Operations, but recently felt pressured to compromise his values that have been his compass for many years. Without thinking it through and going through a self-evaluation, he quit his lucrative job, out of frustration. The only way he “felt” like he could survive was to leave that job.
In our coaching session, we worked on managing impulses, setting new values and learning to balance pressure with expectations. What Jim realized was his values had actually changed but he had not “updated” his internal software! His daughter was in college and no longer required his attention. He quickly realized he had made a mistake. After going through his options, he spoke to his boss and was able to get his job back. He made a commitment to his boss to keep working on his impulse control and organization. He recognized that one of of his pressures was a lack of organization. The story ended well.
In another instance, it did not have such a happy ending. Another client, we can call Rebecca, came to me for the emotional intelligence assessment. She was well known for her enthusiasm and passion and was often in the spotlight. What I learned during the feedback session for the Eqi 2.0, the world’s leading emotional intelligence assessment, was that she was just let go as the administrator for a local nonprofit. This devastated her because, in her words, “I have very high emotional intelligence. When I have any emotions, I let you know.”
Rebecca was under the impression that emotional intelligence meant the sharing of one’s emotions and the passion to back up those emotions.
So instead of collaborating or finding a compromise, she would fight for her position and alienate those people who disagreed with her. Ultimately this ended in being fired twice before she was able to appreciate the need for coaching.
When she came back and committed to learning more about EI and how she could become a respected leader, we worked on coachability. Coachability is your willingness to learn times your willingness to act. Research shows that those people who take action within 24 hours have greater success. EI helps the learning process because it helps you moderate those emotional reactions that try to take over your perspective.
Despite the fact that our thinking brain is so large, it is the small primitive part of the brain that ends up dominating interactions. This primal part of the brain triggered by instincts of fear will rule your behavior and possibly ruin your chances for effective leadership if you are not aware and in touch with what is going on. This is what happened with Rebecca in the above story.
With distraction, the new normal, and stress chronic, it is easier to get triggered that ever before. The first step to interrupting these reactions is to build awareness within to increase your understanding of what is happening around you. Most think it is the other way around and put their attention out there, in the environment and other people, and ignore the reactions and internal noise going on within. The more you know about yourself, the more you understand about what is happening out there.
If you want to build your emotional intelligence and avoid the devastating possibilities of losing your job or stalling in your career, check out this offer below.